Should I Let You Go?
Lately all I do is think and think and think. Sometimes I am thinking about my options. Choices that are hard for me to choose which, more so harder for me to have thought about them.
Everyday seems like a battle for me. A battle to stay sane, reasonable and fair. Though the circumstances that have befallen upon us seemed unfair and difficult, I still managed to justify things in the hope that you are now genuine towards me, towards your feelings, towards US.
I think it is about time that you know my thoughts, things that are hard for me to verbalize because I am not the kind of person who can clearly put into words my thoughts and my feelings. I wanted to be fair with you even if i don’t get the same treatment from you.
After everything we’ve gone through, everything that transpired, I came to ask myself, is it worth it? Is our relationship worth fighting for? I might have told you this before, but love is never enough. It is a hard realization but the events made this easier for me to grasp its gravity. I have loved you since the very first day I comitted myself to you. I still love you, it may be hard for me to say this, but i believe you deserve to know, I think I don’t love you that much anymore. The excitement of being with you has faded. Before, everyday, I am always looking forward to be with you, you don’t know how much happiness this has brought me. I rush out of the school after the clock hits the time for me to go home. I couldn’t wait to see you. But now, it seems like the excitement and zealousness dissipated. Sometimes I drag myself to go home.
I have a confession to make. I believe you deserve to know. I met someone online who is interesting. I saw some traits that I long for in a partner. We share the same views and interests. That person knows about you though. Don’t get me wrong, but our relationship is merely that of friends. You made me realize, it would’ve been better if we started out as friends. We have never met personally. There have been a lot of occasions that he asked that we meet, just to talk, have coffee. Even invited me to go on trips. But I did not relent. For this, I am sorry. I am committed to be that faithful partner to you.
In all fairness to you, I have been thankful that I met you. You made me realize dreams i thought would just remain to be dreams. We have our happy moments, for sure. I love how we laugh together over trivial stuff. I love how i feel your warm breath on my nape.
But now, I realized I am not enough for you. You have needs and wants and priorities that I cannot compensate for. I realized how we are not really compatible. How our interests differ from each other. What if after a few years or months from now you will meet another “me”, another person. This is not impossible to happen, there’s no assurance and I can’t bear just the thought of it.
You might be wondering why I’m telling you this. But cliche as it may sound, i just wanted to get this off my chest. I don’t know what will happen to us from now on. I don’t even know if i still wish for the best.